the caged bird sings.

written, designed, and edited by Bee Butler

If you told me then...

Bee ButlerComment
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If you told me one year ago today that I’d spend my afternoon meeting with the executive and associate pastors of a new church plant to discuss my life story and my calling into their ministry IN TOMBALL, TEXAS, I would have told you that you were insane.

I would have been too busy thinking about how my meds weren’t working. How my relationship was over but I had to keep clinging to the decaying remains so that I could stay in California. How I needed a good job to make steady money so I could survive. How I didn’t think I would ever be okay again.

I would have laughed at the idea of ministry, at the thought of a new church plant and my activities in it. I would have told you I’d rather die than come back to Texas, even if it was for a church that I believed in with all my heart. I’d have repeated what I’d said a million times before: If I’m going back to Texas, it will be in a body bag.

But here I am.
Right up there, smiling in my parents’ living room.
In Tomball, Texas.

And I met with Allan and Billy today at the new Tomball campus of Bayou City Fellowship, and I know something crazy is going to happen. This blog stands as a pretty fantastic testament to what I’ve been through. My struggles, my fears, my massive failures, my successes, my inability to get through a post without cussing (except, holy crap, I’m doing it right now!), and how I’m making strides to make this work, here, even though this was never part of my plan.

Because “my plan” was in MY hands, and like the sand I love to walk on, my “plans” slip through my fingers the more tightly I clutch them. I am not in California because that was MY PLAN, and God likes to take a bat to those in order to prove a point.

And He’s proving it right now.

Somehow, Him loving me frees me to let go of my life and to drown in waves of mercy, washing ashore in perfect places where I’m needed and cared for.

Today, I met with two men who were so, so grateful for my zeal and enthusiasm, and they wanted me to know that they looked forward to serving with me, and that God had a place for me in ministry here.

And if you’d told me then that I’d hear that now?
Well, I wouldn’t have been able to express the way that would make me feel.