Maybe you went through something so you could help someone else go through it.
100% convinced this is my "why", and it is also what finally convinced me to go into ministry. My story proves that there is a light at the end of EVERY tunnel. Suicide attempts, self harm, verbal, emotional, physical, sexual abuse, depression, PTSD, addiction (drugs, alcohol, spending, kleptomania, sex), eating disorders, loss of your most vital relationships, even being cut off by your own family.
I came back from ALL of that.
And Jesus loves me just as much today as he did at 17 when I was still a virginal Bible study leader who never missed a Sunday morning/night, Wednesday, weekend retreat, summer camp, mission trip, lock-in, who made perfect grades, never had a sip of alcohol or tried a single drug or even a cigarette, never snuck out, "perfect" Christian.
Because Jesus can redeem ANY story, and I swear to you that He is waiting with open arms whenever you are ready to come back. I will gladly walk with you there. There is nothing you can do, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, that will separate you from the love of Jesus Christ. And I know that, because I went and did just about everything, came back, and realized He had loved me THE ENTIRE TIME.
So let go. Say a prayer. Even if it's just a few words.
He loves you and He's listening, ready to hear your voice again.