the caged bird sings.

written, designed, and edited by Bee Butler

Beyond what you can bear.

Bee ButlerComment

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

1 Corinthians 10:13

OKAY BUT ARE YOU SURE BECAUSE I CANNOT FUCKING BEAR THIS.

…. but then, I do.
And I wake up the next day, and I’m still alive. And I’m still surviving. And God is still being faithful, providing food and shelter and love and compassion beyond what I’ve ever experienced.

Tyler and Elizabeth and their two babies (who call me Aunt Bee) are here right at the house this week for Spring Break. Tyler is my mom’s best friend’s son; Mom and Lavon grew up together (literally since 2nd grade at Taylor Elementary, where Lavon is now principal). Tyler’s sister, Briana, will always be one of my best friends on this planet, and Tyler will always be my big brother.

Tyler and his family are like me, in that they gave up on the Church of Christ, but they went liturgical where I went broad spectrum - they’re Episcopalian now. They’re celebrating their first Lent right now, and each night we have devo time (devotional, for those not in the know), much like when Tyler and I were children. This is something we grew up doing. Now, instilling this in his kids, I’m seeing how important it is. Tonight we read “Make Room: A Child's Guide to Lent and Easter” by Laura Alary. and I felt like I’d been hit by a brick in the face. I am doing this. Actively doing this.

I am making room for God in my life.
FINALLY.

And our Bible verses, our “memory verses”, which we memorize through repetition, included 1 Corinthians 10:13, and I had forgotten about that verse, how it thoroughly kicked my ass, and how I never realized how much I could endure until I was enduring it. It never ends. It never stops. It is astonishing to me how much I have been through, how much TYLER has been through (but that is his story to tell), and how much we have endured.

If anyone gets me in this world, it is Tyler.
Seriously.

And tonight I’m reminded to make room. To remember that I can endure. To let go of things to make space for a relationship and worship of the Living God, and to do so is going to be hard. It is going to hurt. I am going to want to run away, like I have so many times before, but God is calling me to grow up, to face things as they come headon, to run and not grow weary, to walk and not grow faint. To rise up on wings like eagles’, and that for the rest of my life, I am going to grow and change, but God will be constant. He has always been. He always will be.

And I’m reminded to take stock, here, in this moment. To delve a little deeper into the history of Lent, into what this season really means from a liturgical standpoint and to follow through, even though my own church does not actively participate in Lenten Season. I am so blessed, struggling so hard, pushing to get through things, and someday, I will walk out the other side.

Tonight is another step towards who I am becoming.

And no, I did not die. I’m not posting on Facebook because I gave it up for Lent, along with Twitter and Messenger. I’m still kicking, I’m just not updating everyone on the movement of my foot in real time.

Don’t worry, I’ll be back after Easter.