Today, I met my therapist. We're taking the CBT approach to all that I'm struggling with, which means I'll be learning cognitive behavioral therapy tools to utilize during bouts of depression, anxiety, and PTSD attacks.
I FELT HEARD.
She listened to me, she repeated things back to make sure she got them right, and she took notes. She looked me in the eyes and said, "it seems like you were rejected by what was most important to you".
And she's right.
Highland Oaks elders made the choice to ask me to leave, and in doing so, I felt that the whole church had abandoned me. I left the Church of Christ after that, and I will never return to it because of some fundamental beliefs I hold that do not align with the teachings of the CoC.
I learned recently that my youth minister was never told about what happened to me, about the repeated sexual assault, or about being asked to leave. He told me he was sorry, and in that moment I felt a validation I had not known I needed. I cannot thank him enough for reaching out to ask me about the truth behind what happened. He's a good man with a good heart, and I am grateful to call him a friend.
In therapy, I'll be meeting bi-monthly with my therapist to work through the feelings of failure that I didn't graduate on time, that I STILL don't have my degree, that I'm not married and don't have kids, and that I have been rejected and abandoned by some of the most vital people in my life, something I have never opened up about or dealt with.
I am so grateful to The Harris Center for Mental Health and IDD. I have a treatment team now, and the road ahead looks like one I can safely travel. I trust my new therapist, and I'm ready to just unload all of this baggage and start really coping with what has happened to me.
I am so grateful to all of you who have been with me on this journey; through your words, your photography, your prayers, your good vibes, your positive karmic energy, the love that you have poured out on me is more than I ever expected. Thank you.