the caged bird sings.

written, designed, and edited by Bee Butler

Come Right Out And Say It.

Bee ButlerComment

Have you ever used Facebook to bitch slap someone, knowing full well that it was more for your benefit than theirs, since the chances of them seeing it, realizing, "hey, that's about me!", and actually doing anything regarding what you quietly called them out for was slim to none?

I have done it so many more times than I can count. I've done it for friends, who have asked me to do it on their behalf to a mutual friend, because occasionally I'll have a way with words that makes things happen. I've done it to a boyfriend. To a parent. To a previous best friend. To an enemy. I've done it to everyone, because I'm a huge coward.

It takes a lot of chutzpah to call someone out to their face in a way that is respectful enough to get things done. If you're like me, you aren't even capable of calling someone out in a mean, honest, harsh way, because conflict terrifies you. Even though anyone who has met you will swear up and down that you're willing to come right out and say anything and everything. Even though you play so tough sometimes. 

I do not have that chutzpah. I am a chicken. Hear me cluck. 

For me to honestly call someone out, I have to sit down and brainstorm. I have to think things through, write it out, hand it over to a close friend and have them read it and give me notes, and then MAYBE I'll be brave enough to spit it out. More often than not, though, I'll text it or email it or message it, because people tend you "hear" you better when they aren't planning their next remark the second you open your mouth. You cannot argue back with a letter. You can respond, but not to the author's face, and not in the timely manner that you're accustomed to in everyday life. I need that barrier, and I take solid advantage of it pretty often. 

I've written soulful apologies to everyone I love that spanned 3-6 pages in Microsoft Word (thanks, therapy). I've written eulogies for people who walked out of my life that took up so many cramped, handwritten pages that I had to lay down the pencil and massage my hand (treating the ending of a relationship, be it friend or lover, as a death, is so helpful to me that it's almost embarrassing. If you've got one to get over and you know that it truly is the end, I recommend doing this). I've waited until I was miles away from someone to text them something I could have settled face-to-face, because I speak so much more eloquently when I have time to type out my words. There's no backspace for what comes out of your mouth. Once you say it, you can't take it back. And more often than not, these times where I've gone poetic and patient in my response were because of something I desperately wished I could've backspaced.

I'm sitting here stewing, thinking, preparing, writing and erasing, and wondering how much longer I will continue to sit behind a screen when important things need to be said. It is very much time for me to take life by the reigns and DO SOMETHING IN PERSON. 

However, the amount of therapy I'll need before that happens is astronomical, both in time and in payment, so I'll close this little rant with a song that I love and hate so much it makes my stomach hurt.