I have so many things I want to say and so much to cover now that I have this space. I want to talk about my religious upbringing and how it's shaped where I am now. I want to talk about how I need "where I am now" to change, because I'm unhappy in my relationship with God and the church, and how I desperately need to reconcile that somehow. I want to talk about believing in God and my political beliefs - how I'm someone who lives on the left and cannot understand how anyone who believes in Jesus could possibly be against so much of the liberal ideals I feel He would endorse. I want to talk about the book Jesus For President... but I need to get my hands on a copy of it again, first. I want to talk about what's going on this country. I want to talk about racism. The deaths that keep happening and how they need to end, how this country refuses to talk about it or even try to address it and fix it. I want to talk about my beliefs about law enforcement and how it matters where, how, and why we train our police. I want to talk about moving to California, and the subsequent move from treatment to living with the boyfrusband, who he is, WHAT he is, and that we're about to move to North Hollywood to start a new life. I want to talk about going back to school to finish my degree, my new attempts to get involved with a cause I believe in, my search for a job, my plans for the future, my reconciliation with my family, and losing my best friend.
I want to go into these topics in detail. I want them to get the time and attention they deserve. But right now they're all so intertwined and jumbled from attempts to talk about them in the past that I'm not really sure where to begin. It's frustrating having so much to say and having no real starting place. In the last year my life has been altered so drastically that I don't recognize it anymore.
So, later on today I'm going to attempt to tackle my first real post on where I am and what got me here. A prologue to the blog, if you will. Until then, I'm going to get some rest (I'm still incredibly sick) and catch up on some incredibly terrible TV and social media.